Have you ever noticed, while we find blessings being given by men on numerous occasions in the Torah we don't find a single instance of a woman's blessing. Moshe blesses, Yaakov blesses, Yitzchak blesses in this weeks parsha and they give blessings more than once. Yet we have no record of Sarah giving a blessing nor of any of the matriarchs. Why?
I asked my Rebbe, Rav Yehoshua Cohen, who knows all shas and beyond as I know my address, if there is record of a woman giving a blessing in the Talmud. He could only come up with one vague instance where a woman gave Rav Papa a blessing when he came to a strange town and asked for a certain talmid chacham. Not knowing Rav Papa to be the great authority he was she told him "you should be like him".
At the chupah prior to the wedding the custom is for the father to bless the kallah. I have seen where the father-in-law blesses his new daughter to-be as well. But I have never seen a mother's blessing.
And in most homes on Friday night their is a custom for the father to bless his children. Rare is the practice that the mother blesses the children.
Why? Why is the blessing of children reserved as the prerogative of the father?
I don't believe this is an accident. There is real reason why blessings belong to the father and not the mother. And the reason is rooted in the respective roles mother and father play in the life of a child. Mother is the nurturer and protector of the child. She makes the child feel safe, secure, esteemed as s/he is. Mother validates the child and affirms his/her intrinsic goodness.
The mother's love for her child is not based on anything s/he does. It does not need to be earned. A mother's love is unconditional and simply based on who the child is.
The father's role is to challenge the child, to encourage the child to grow and become. He is like a coach inviting the child to push his/her boundaries, to strive and to mature. He wants for the child to realize his/her potential. While of course, he too loves his child without condition, its different than with the mother. He has expectations. And those expectations motivate the child to believe in him/herself and to take the risks necessary to grow.
We need both influences in our life to realize our capabilities. We need the mother's love that affirms us for who we are and forges our self-esteem. And we need the father's love to help us believe in our capacity to be more than we are now, to grow and become. (Of course its not that each parent gives one type of love exclusively. But these are the respective roles in family life and in the life of a child).
Look at this weeks parsha. We see the different roles of father and mother played out dramatically. Rivka loves Yaakov. She seeks to protect him. She loves him for who he is. She insists he claim the blessings he is entitled to even if it means he has to put on a huge deception. She sends him away when she hears his brother Esav has plans to kill him.Were it not for her fear for his life she would never have wanted him to leave.
Yitzchak on the other hand loves Esav. And here, unlike Rivka's love for Yaakov where the Torah gives us no reason, the Torah tell us why. Yitzchak loved Esav for his accomplishments, "for he was able to hunt and take care of himself". Like Rivka, Yitzchak too sent Yaakov away at the end of the reading. But the sending is oh so different. He sends Yaakov not to protect him but for him to find a wife, to make his way in the world. Yitzchak wanted Yaakov to go out and become, to leave the "tents" (the Torah describes Yaakov as one who "sat in the tents".) and make something of himself.
Why don't we find women giving brachot? The answer is because a blessing is essentially a challenge to a person to stretch their boundaries, to go and realize their gifts, to become. Blessings express the encouragement for the person to fulfill themselves. They are prayers that s/he know success in his/her initiatives. That sentiment belongs to the fathers role within the family. He is the one who invites the child to grow beyond who s/he currently is. The mother's role validates the child as s/he is. She affirms the child as a person, as good and whole independent of what s/he does. Its not for her to bless. She offers the love that says "no matter what you do or become you are already good enough".
Truth is we need both the message of Yitzchak and Rivka for our healthy maturation. We need both nurture and challenge. We need mother and father. Sometimes one more than the other, but always both. And we who play that role in the lives of our children need to know that as parents we may not always be on the same page, as Yitzchak and Rivka were not. As mother and father we bring different energies to our children and at times we may feel our roles divide us. As father and mother we share the role as parent, but not necessarily its application.
Accepting the reality that as parents we may rightly feel different from one another goes along way to resolving tensions between parents in the home.
Did Yitzchak and Rivka love each other? Of course. But that did not mean they always thought and acted alike. As parents they felt and acted differently from each other. And we, their children, are grateful for the unique contribution each brought into the life of Yaakov and through him to us.
Shabbat Shalom
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Small Expectations
In Charles Dickens classic "Great Expectations", the protagonist grows up poor in the marshes of Wales. To his surprise and delight in his late teens he becomes the beneficiary of ongoing gifts from an anonymous donor that turns him from pauper to newly rich. For some years he believes the mysterious benefactor is an old eccentric woman he tried to endear himself to when a boy, someone he long hoped would leave him money in her estate. He is shocked to learn that in fact he is being supported by gifts from an escaped convict he once fed at the peril of his life when still a child, an escaped convict who later became wealthy and never forgot the kindness.
If Charles Dickens could name this weeks parsha of Chayai Sarah, he might name it "Small Expectations". There is much to learn from the story of Eliezer and his adventure to find a wife for Yitzchak. But what intrigues me this year is how Rivka, the woman who becomes our matriarch, finds all of who she is, then and forever, changed through one act of kindness.
I mean could Rivka ever have imagined that one day when she was walking to the well to get water for her sheep that she would be asked to do something the consequence of which would totally transform her life? Rivka is asked by a person who she perceives a total stranger, someone who had no prospects of ever mattering to her, if she might give him some water.
Had she any idea the import of her response? Of course not! Yet in her decision to not only give Eliezer water, but go beyond his request and water his camels she changed history, hers and ours, her children.
Rivka had small expectations. She was simply doing the act of hesed that she felt was right and good. Yet that seemingly small act had consequence beyond measure. Who would have ever imagined?
Whats the lesson here? You and I spend so much of our time worrying about the big issues, the big challenges of our life. And yet that which may be most consequential for our present and future may be the little thing that we encounter along the way. Whats that famous line "life is what happens while we are busy making plans!".
So much of the time we are focused on the future goal and acquire tunnel vision, missing the opportunities before us. We become blind to the real hesed that may be life changing for us and for others. I thought of this as I considered my daughter, Bat Sheva and her progress at school.
At times I can be so preoccupied wanting her to learn and grow that I miss the chance to compliment her, affirm her, show her that I love her. I think of her future but miss her present.
And in missing her present I may miss doing that which will be far more telling in influencing the person she will grow up to be and the direction of her life.
In Tehilim the pasuk reads "Ashrai shomrai mishpat oseh tzedaka b'chal et...Fortunate is one who is a guardian of justice and does tzedaka all the time" The Gemara wonders, "how can one do tzedaka at all times?" For me the answer is that the pasuk refers to one who is ready to do tzedaka at all times. S/he is never so lost in pursuit of his/her agenda that s/he misses the moment.
Like Rivka in our story, they seize every opportunity to do good for indeed who can know its import, not only for the other, but for us!
Who knows if the moment before our eyes is not the moment that will make all the difference in the world in terms of Heaven's decree for us or even in terms of some earthly consequence. In both Dickens' story and in our parsha, lehavdil, the main characters had no idea their single act would so radically alter their lives. I suspect you and I have many moments that pass like those, many moments with great import for us , but our small expectations of those times causes us to miss the moment and alas it is gone.
Let us emulate our mother Rivka and not let the hesed before us pass, especially with those nearest to us, who we often take for granted. One act, one word, one choice, can change our lives and persons forever! Open your eyes! Do it! Say it! Make it!
Shabbat Shalom
If Charles Dickens could name this weeks parsha of Chayai Sarah, he might name it "Small Expectations". There is much to learn from the story of Eliezer and his adventure to find a wife for Yitzchak. But what intrigues me this year is how Rivka, the woman who becomes our matriarch, finds all of who she is, then and forever, changed through one act of kindness.
I mean could Rivka ever have imagined that one day when she was walking to the well to get water for her sheep that she would be asked to do something the consequence of which would totally transform her life? Rivka is asked by a person who she perceives a total stranger, someone who had no prospects of ever mattering to her, if she might give him some water.
Had she any idea the import of her response? Of course not! Yet in her decision to not only give Eliezer water, but go beyond his request and water his camels she changed history, hers and ours, her children.
Rivka had small expectations. She was simply doing the act of hesed that she felt was right and good. Yet that seemingly small act had consequence beyond measure. Who would have ever imagined?
Whats the lesson here? You and I spend so much of our time worrying about the big issues, the big challenges of our life. And yet that which may be most consequential for our present and future may be the little thing that we encounter along the way. Whats that famous line "life is what happens while we are busy making plans!".
So much of the time we are focused on the future goal and acquire tunnel vision, missing the opportunities before us. We become blind to the real hesed that may be life changing for us and for others. I thought of this as I considered my daughter, Bat Sheva and her progress at school.
At times I can be so preoccupied wanting her to learn and grow that I miss the chance to compliment her, affirm her, show her that I love her. I think of her future but miss her present.
And in missing her present I may miss doing that which will be far more telling in influencing the person she will grow up to be and the direction of her life.
In Tehilim the pasuk reads "Ashrai shomrai mishpat oseh tzedaka b'chal et...Fortunate is one who is a guardian of justice and does tzedaka all the time" The Gemara wonders, "how can one do tzedaka at all times?" For me the answer is that the pasuk refers to one who is ready to do tzedaka at all times. S/he is never so lost in pursuit of his/her agenda that s/he misses the moment.
Like Rivka in our story, they seize every opportunity to do good for indeed who can know its import, not only for the other, but for us!
Who knows if the moment before our eyes is not the moment that will make all the difference in the world in terms of Heaven's decree for us or even in terms of some earthly consequence. In both Dickens' story and in our parsha, lehavdil, the main characters had no idea their single act would so radically alter their lives. I suspect you and I have many moments that pass like those, many moments with great import for us , but our small expectations of those times causes us to miss the moment and alas it is gone.
Let us emulate our mother Rivka and not let the hesed before us pass, especially with those nearest to us, who we often take for granted. One act, one word, one choice, can change our lives and persons forever! Open your eyes! Do it! Say it! Make it!
Shabbat Shalom
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Between Men & Women
The couple, in our tradition, most reflective of a loving relationship is Avraham and Sarah. The Talmud tells us that their union was so strong that even in death they were not separated (Bava Batra 58a). Yet the marriage of Avraham and Sarah, like all good marriages, had its moments of conflict. Last week we read where Sarah tells Avraham " I am furious at you....let Hashem be the judge between us". And this week Avraham is upset when Sarah insists that he get rid of Hagar and Yishmael. Its only when Hashem tells him to listen to Sarah that Avraham comes to accept her will.
But its not those passages I want to explore with you this week. But rather a troubling section at the beginning of the reading. There at the outset of the parsah of Vayeira we read that Avraham offers hospitality to three angels disguised as travellers. One of the angels was sent by G-d to tell Sarah that in a years time she would have a baby. Avraham already got the good news 3 days earlier at the same time that he was told of his requirement of mila, the ritual circumcision (last weeks reading). Its not clear from the text whether he informed Sarah of their good news but one would surmise he did. Nonetheless the angels come to deliver the news first hand to Sarah.
Yet, as we read the story, though the angels asked for Sarah they are not given access to her directly. Avraham tells them that she is in the tent. With no alternative the angels deliver their message to Avraham telling him that in a year's time Sarah will give birth to a son. Meanwhile, the Torah tells us, Sarah is standing at the opening to the tent and she hears the news. Her response, "And Sarah laughed to herself saying after I have grown old will I yet be desirable and my master (Avraham) is old as well".
This is a private laugh. The Torah tells us "Sarah laughed to herself..." and in any case no one heard her. She was alone at the entrance to the tent. Yet the angel finds problem with Sarah's laugh. He tells Avraham "Why did Sarah laugh saying can it be that I will yet give birth when I am so old." ( Though the Torah says this in the name of G-d most commentaries say it was the angel who spoke for G-d).The story concludes with Avraham confronting Sarah about her laugh. Sarah denies having laughed saying "'I did not laugh'....because she was afraid". And Avraham says to her "Indeed you did laugh". And that ends the episode.
There are many questions we need to ask about this story. First okay Sarah laughed, big deal.
Three days earlier when Avraham got the new from Hashem the Torah says " And Avraham fell on his face and laughed. And he said in his heart ' Can I really become a father at 100 and Sarah become a mother at 90'". Why was Avraham's laugh acceptable but not Sarah's. Second, how is it that Sarah denies her laugh. I understand she was afraid, but to lie a blatant lie? And then further, if she did lie in denying the laugh,why does Avraham go on to challenge her. Whats the point in embarrassing her? He is her husband and yet he seems to be acting like a repudiating parent.
And most importantly we would do well to wonder whats the point of the Torah giving us the story? What's the lesson in it for us? It seems peculiar at best.
I believe the key to understanding the story and its meaning is recognizing that at its core this is a story whose dynamics are rooted in gender. Avraham was male. Sarah was female. The idea of finally having a child with Sarah was wonderful for Avraham, a dream come true. For Sarah it was much more consequential. Little doubt she had died a 1000 deaths over the many years of their marriage each time her period came and she realized she was not pregnant. For her, as for most women, not having a child engenders a huge sense of failure and shame. She was so pained by her baroness that she asked Avraham to sleep with another woman (Hagar) just so she might have a child to raise as her own. By the time she was 90, no longer fertile, she had mourned her tragedy....and moved on. It was so painful to accept but she at last must have made some peace.
Now the angels come and she over-hears that she is going to have a child. Yes both Avraham and Sarah laugh when each gets their news...but look at the difference in what they are thinking.
Avraham's laugh is accompanied by the thought " Wow, can it be at 100 I will yet be a father (again) and Sarah at 90 be a mother". Its the laughter of joy and it invokes no criticism from Hashem.
What thought accompanies Sarah's (private) laugh on hearing the angel's words? She says "How can it be? My body is already worn (no longer fertile). Will I yet be desirable to my husband? And he too is old". Sarah laughs an anxious laugh. She wants to believe but struggles. One of the great Torah commentaries explained that Avraham and Sarah were no longer physically intimate. She was no longer attractive to him. She could not imagine how in practicality this baby was to be conceived. Sarah's doubt is reminiscent of Yaakov's inability to believe his sons when they return from Egypt and tell him that Yosef is alive. He grieved all these years. It meant so much to him...he was afraid to believe that it could really be . He was afraid lest he suffer a disappointment he could not bare.
Sarah's laugh is not the laugh of Avraham. Its the laugh of a woman afraid to believe for fear that if she trusts and she is disappointed she will not survive. This isn't just a wonderful gift for her. This is life and death. She wants to believe, desperately. But dare she?
It is to this that the angel speaks when he says to Avraham " why does Sarah laugh saying 'can I really give birth as I am so old'. Is anything too wondrous for Hashem to do. Next year at this time I will return and Sarah will have a son". The angel is not criticizing her. On the contrary he is making effort to reassure her, which was his purpose for the visit in the first place.
He is telling Sarah she can trust and not be afraid. The baby will come.
And so when we reach the end of the story and Avraham confronts Sarah on her laughter, Sarah denies the laugh. And why? Because "she is afraid". She is afraid that her private laugh that now is clearly known, that doubt that she expressed out of years of frustration and longing, will now cause her to lose this last chance at a child. She is afraid that the laugh will ruin everything...All seems so fragile and unreal to her...She fears what was promised will now be taken away.
It is to this that Avraham says " Indeed you laughed"saying thereby to his beloved Sarah, "Yes you laughed and its okay. This is real. We are going to have our son. And neither your laughter nor anything else will take him from us. You need not be afraid. Your redemption is at hand".
If we understand the story this way it speaks to the love between Avraham and Sarah. They each wanted a son. But the meaning it had for each of them was very different. Avraham already had Yishmael and even had he not, having a child was a gift. For Sarah, as for many women, it had the import of life and death. Avraham had to come to understand Sarah's anxiety. It was the same anxiety that according to a medrash caused Sarah's death when she feared Yitzchak was being killed at the akaida.
In my reading of the story Avraham does not chastise Sarah at the end. Rather he comforts her. feeling for her anxieties and worries.
Husbands and wives need to understand that though many times they want the same thing it does not mean that it has the same import to both.
Love is based on respect and respect is based on the appreciation of the unique mindset of the other. Its not enough for couples to say "we want the same things". That may well be true but it isn't enough to prevent serious misunderstanding. What priority do those things have for each of you? how critical? and for what reasons?
Yes, Avraham and Sarah are the ideal couple. But they too had to do the work of building intimacy and trust. Even at the ages of 100 and 90 and after perhaps 70 years of marriage they were still learning each other and growing together. That's not a bad thing. That's what gives life meaning. We would do well to invest in our marriages with similar resolve.
Shabbat Shalom
But its not those passages I want to explore with you this week. But rather a troubling section at the beginning of the reading. There at the outset of the parsah of Vayeira we read that Avraham offers hospitality to three angels disguised as travellers. One of the angels was sent by G-d to tell Sarah that in a years time she would have a baby. Avraham already got the good news 3 days earlier at the same time that he was told of his requirement of mila, the ritual circumcision (last weeks reading). Its not clear from the text whether he informed Sarah of their good news but one would surmise he did. Nonetheless the angels come to deliver the news first hand to Sarah.
Yet, as we read the story, though the angels asked for Sarah they are not given access to her directly. Avraham tells them that she is in the tent. With no alternative the angels deliver their message to Avraham telling him that in a year's time Sarah will give birth to a son. Meanwhile, the Torah tells us, Sarah is standing at the opening to the tent and she hears the news. Her response, "And Sarah laughed to herself saying after I have grown old will I yet be desirable and my master (Avraham) is old as well".
This is a private laugh. The Torah tells us "Sarah laughed to herself..." and in any case no one heard her. She was alone at the entrance to the tent. Yet the angel finds problem with Sarah's laugh. He tells Avraham "Why did Sarah laugh saying can it be that I will yet give birth when I am so old." ( Though the Torah says this in the name of G-d most commentaries say it was the angel who spoke for G-d).The story concludes with Avraham confronting Sarah about her laugh. Sarah denies having laughed saying "'I did not laugh'....because she was afraid". And Avraham says to her "Indeed you did laugh". And that ends the episode.
There are many questions we need to ask about this story. First okay Sarah laughed, big deal.
Three days earlier when Avraham got the new from Hashem the Torah says " And Avraham fell on his face and laughed. And he said in his heart ' Can I really become a father at 100 and Sarah become a mother at 90'". Why was Avraham's laugh acceptable but not Sarah's. Second, how is it that Sarah denies her laugh. I understand she was afraid, but to lie a blatant lie? And then further, if she did lie in denying the laugh,why does Avraham go on to challenge her. Whats the point in embarrassing her? He is her husband and yet he seems to be acting like a repudiating parent.
And most importantly we would do well to wonder whats the point of the Torah giving us the story? What's the lesson in it for us? It seems peculiar at best.
I believe the key to understanding the story and its meaning is recognizing that at its core this is a story whose dynamics are rooted in gender. Avraham was male. Sarah was female. The idea of finally having a child with Sarah was wonderful for Avraham, a dream come true. For Sarah it was much more consequential. Little doubt she had died a 1000 deaths over the many years of their marriage each time her period came and she realized she was not pregnant. For her, as for most women, not having a child engenders a huge sense of failure and shame. She was so pained by her baroness that she asked Avraham to sleep with another woman (Hagar) just so she might have a child to raise as her own. By the time she was 90, no longer fertile, she had mourned her tragedy....and moved on. It was so painful to accept but she at last must have made some peace.
Now the angels come and she over-hears that she is going to have a child. Yes both Avraham and Sarah laugh when each gets their news...but look at the difference in what they are thinking.
Avraham's laugh is accompanied by the thought " Wow, can it be at 100 I will yet be a father (again) and Sarah at 90 be a mother". Its the laughter of joy and it invokes no criticism from Hashem.
What thought accompanies Sarah's (private) laugh on hearing the angel's words? She says "How can it be? My body is already worn (no longer fertile). Will I yet be desirable to my husband? And he too is old". Sarah laughs an anxious laugh. She wants to believe but struggles. One of the great Torah commentaries explained that Avraham and Sarah were no longer physically intimate. She was no longer attractive to him. She could not imagine how in practicality this baby was to be conceived. Sarah's doubt is reminiscent of Yaakov's inability to believe his sons when they return from Egypt and tell him that Yosef is alive. He grieved all these years. It meant so much to him...he was afraid to believe that it could really be . He was afraid lest he suffer a disappointment he could not bare.
Sarah's laugh is not the laugh of Avraham. Its the laugh of a woman afraid to believe for fear that if she trusts and she is disappointed she will not survive. This isn't just a wonderful gift for her. This is life and death. She wants to believe, desperately. But dare she?
It is to this that the angel speaks when he says to Avraham " why does Sarah laugh saying 'can I really give birth as I am so old'. Is anything too wondrous for Hashem to do. Next year at this time I will return and Sarah will have a son". The angel is not criticizing her. On the contrary he is making effort to reassure her, which was his purpose for the visit in the first place.
He is telling Sarah she can trust and not be afraid. The baby will come.
And so when we reach the end of the story and Avraham confronts Sarah on her laughter, Sarah denies the laugh. And why? Because "she is afraid". She is afraid that her private laugh that now is clearly known, that doubt that she expressed out of years of frustration and longing, will now cause her to lose this last chance at a child. She is afraid that the laugh will ruin everything...All seems so fragile and unreal to her...She fears what was promised will now be taken away.
It is to this that Avraham says " Indeed you laughed"saying thereby to his beloved Sarah, "Yes you laughed and its okay. This is real. We are going to have our son. And neither your laughter nor anything else will take him from us. You need not be afraid. Your redemption is at hand".
If we understand the story this way it speaks to the love between Avraham and Sarah. They each wanted a son. But the meaning it had for each of them was very different. Avraham already had Yishmael and even had he not, having a child was a gift. For Sarah, as for many women, it had the import of life and death. Avraham had to come to understand Sarah's anxiety. It was the same anxiety that according to a medrash caused Sarah's death when she feared Yitzchak was being killed at the akaida.
In my reading of the story Avraham does not chastise Sarah at the end. Rather he comforts her. feeling for her anxieties and worries.
Husbands and wives need to understand that though many times they want the same thing it does not mean that it has the same import to both.
Love is based on respect and respect is based on the appreciation of the unique mindset of the other. Its not enough for couples to say "we want the same things". That may well be true but it isn't enough to prevent serious misunderstanding. What priority do those things have for each of you? how critical? and for what reasons?
Yes, Avraham and Sarah are the ideal couple. But they too had to do the work of building intimacy and trust. Even at the ages of 100 and 90 and after perhaps 70 years of marriage they were still learning each other and growing together. That's not a bad thing. That's what gives life meaning. We would do well to invest in our marriages with similar resolve.
Shabbat Shalom
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Hesed Without Judgement
The Talmud tells a fascinating if troubling story of the great Amora, Rav. It was his practice to visit the cemetery there to converse with the dead. He often asked them of what did they die. In nine out of ten cases they answered "we died because of the ayin hara, the evil eye".
One of the renowned commentaries on the Talmud explained that the ayin hara that causes our death does not refer to the evil eye cast on us, but rather the ayin hara with which we look at others. It is our crtical gaze on others, questioning whether they deserve what they have that brings G-d's judgement on us. G-d says, as it were, "if you think others should only get what they deserve and no more, then I will judge you by the same standards". When we are judged exclusively on our merits inevitably we fall short.
This week in the parsha we meet our father Avraham. Avraham was the exemplar of doing hesed, acts of loving-kindness. His whole life was devoted to teaching the way to Hashem by outreach in the form of hospitality and care.
It is interesting to note that though Avraham extended himself to care for others and showed them love he was not naive about the evils of human nature. Avraham was no Pollyanna. He knew people were flawed and flawed severely. Just look at the stories and this becomes clear. Early on we read of his travels to Egypt and later to Gerar. In each case he saw the citizens as likely to kill him so as to claim his beautiful wife Sarah. When his shepards fight with those of his nephew Lot, Avraham does not say "lets work this out". On the contrary he sees the feud likely to escalate unless action is taken. He tells Lot "separate from me". Rather than mediate the confrontation he chooses to end the relationship. And still later after he saves Lot, the king of Sodom offers to let Avraham keep the booty he has won in his war on their behalf. Avraham refuses saying I suspect if I keep it you will go on to say "I enriched Avraham".
No, Avraham knows people can do terrible things. They are not necessarily good at all. He doesn't invest in hesed because he thinks the people are entitled to it. He does hesed because he realizes the way to tikun olam, repairing the world is by engaging in doing kindness to others.
Avraham recognizes that acts of kindness create a force for the good in the world, a force that enhances all of life and moves it to greater shlaimut. Avraham does hesed because hesed is what the world needs. And all humanity is blessed and sustained when a person does kindness to another.
I remember a few decades ago when much was written about the power of random acts of kindness. When I write of random acts of kindness I mean doing something kind for someone you do not know or may never know simply for the blessing it brings to the world. It may mean walking over to the man working hard on the train tracks in mercaz ha'ir and giving him a bottle of lemonade or ice cafe. It may mean putting money in a parking meter that's expiring, or it may mean giving 20 shekel to the woman who asks for a donation and would be grateful for 1.
Random acts of kindness don't ask whether the person is deserving of the gift I am giving. They are powerful precisely because we do not make a judgement. We simply see an opportunity to do a kindness and we do.
That's the hesed of Avraham, the hesed that made him the great benefactor of all, both Jew and non-Jew. When someone asked him for a favor he did not ask himself whether they warranted his effort. He did not do good for others on the basis of their deserts. He did for other because hesed is always good. Hashem built His world on hesed and so Avraham emulated His ways.
Can there be a more important lesson for us to learn. How often does the man collecting ask us for a donation and we start to question whether he deserves or really needs our help. We judge before we give. We judge before we do. That attitude is sadly the kind that brings the kitrug, the judgement down on us from above. As we judge others so we are judged.
Would we not be better if we simply did the act of hesed for no other reason than the person asked for it, without judgement or critique. Then we would be walking in the footsteps of Avraham. Then we would be doing hesed in the way that sustains the world. Then we would be doing the random act of kindness that makes both us and others better.
I take the lesson this week to heart and on a personal level. Bli neder, without taking a vow I pledge to do 5 acts of random hesed a day. It can be a kind word spoken to someone who does not expect it and maybe has not earned it, or it can be letting the person behind me go in front of me in line at the makolet. It need not be money. It simply need be hesed for the sake of hesed. I hope you will join me in such a pledge. The results will make another happy, create a positive energy in the world, and earn us the kindness from Hakadosh Baruch Hu that we bestow on others.
Let us walk in the way of our father Avraham. Let us do hesed without the judgement!
Can their be anything more worthwhile!
Shabbat Shalom
One of the renowned commentaries on the Talmud explained that the ayin hara that causes our death does not refer to the evil eye cast on us, but rather the ayin hara with which we look at others. It is our crtical gaze on others, questioning whether they deserve what they have that brings G-d's judgement on us. G-d says, as it were, "if you think others should only get what they deserve and no more, then I will judge you by the same standards". When we are judged exclusively on our merits inevitably we fall short.
This week in the parsha we meet our father Avraham. Avraham was the exemplar of doing hesed, acts of loving-kindness. His whole life was devoted to teaching the way to Hashem by outreach in the form of hospitality and care.
It is interesting to note that though Avraham extended himself to care for others and showed them love he was not naive about the evils of human nature. Avraham was no Pollyanna. He knew people were flawed and flawed severely. Just look at the stories and this becomes clear. Early on we read of his travels to Egypt and later to Gerar. In each case he saw the citizens as likely to kill him so as to claim his beautiful wife Sarah. When his shepards fight with those of his nephew Lot, Avraham does not say "lets work this out". On the contrary he sees the feud likely to escalate unless action is taken. He tells Lot "separate from me". Rather than mediate the confrontation he chooses to end the relationship. And still later after he saves Lot, the king of Sodom offers to let Avraham keep the booty he has won in his war on their behalf. Avraham refuses saying I suspect if I keep it you will go on to say "I enriched Avraham".
No, Avraham knows people can do terrible things. They are not necessarily good at all. He doesn't invest in hesed because he thinks the people are entitled to it. He does hesed because he realizes the way to tikun olam, repairing the world is by engaging in doing kindness to others.
Avraham recognizes that acts of kindness create a force for the good in the world, a force that enhances all of life and moves it to greater shlaimut. Avraham does hesed because hesed is what the world needs. And all humanity is blessed and sustained when a person does kindness to another.
I remember a few decades ago when much was written about the power of random acts of kindness. When I write of random acts of kindness I mean doing something kind for someone you do not know or may never know simply for the blessing it brings to the world. It may mean walking over to the man working hard on the train tracks in mercaz ha'ir and giving him a bottle of lemonade or ice cafe. It may mean putting money in a parking meter that's expiring, or it may mean giving 20 shekel to the woman who asks for a donation and would be grateful for 1.
Random acts of kindness don't ask whether the person is deserving of the gift I am giving. They are powerful precisely because we do not make a judgement. We simply see an opportunity to do a kindness and we do.
That's the hesed of Avraham, the hesed that made him the great benefactor of all, both Jew and non-Jew. When someone asked him for a favor he did not ask himself whether they warranted his effort. He did not do good for others on the basis of their deserts. He did for other because hesed is always good. Hashem built His world on hesed and so Avraham emulated His ways.
Can there be a more important lesson for us to learn. How often does the man collecting ask us for a donation and we start to question whether he deserves or really needs our help. We judge before we give. We judge before we do. That attitude is sadly the kind that brings the kitrug, the judgement down on us from above. As we judge others so we are judged.
Would we not be better if we simply did the act of hesed for no other reason than the person asked for it, without judgement or critique. Then we would be walking in the footsteps of Avraham. Then we would be doing hesed in the way that sustains the world. Then we would be doing the random act of kindness that makes both us and others better.
I take the lesson this week to heart and on a personal level. Bli neder, without taking a vow I pledge to do 5 acts of random hesed a day. It can be a kind word spoken to someone who does not expect it and maybe has not earned it, or it can be letting the person behind me go in front of me in line at the makolet. It need not be money. It simply need be hesed for the sake of hesed. I hope you will join me in such a pledge. The results will make another happy, create a positive energy in the world, and earn us the kindness from Hakadosh Baruch Hu that we bestow on others.
Let us walk in the way of our father Avraham. Let us do hesed without the judgement!
Can their be anything more worthwhile!
Shabbat Shalom
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Consequences of Success
"Nothing ruins a man quite like success". So goes the adage that gets validated over and over in the course of human drama. From Bill Clinton's absurd fling with Monica Lewinsky to Bernie Madoff's ponzi scam the stories of men and women who achieve prominence and then self-destruct is legion.
And we first encounter such a story in this week's parsha, the portion of Noach. At the outset of the reading Noach is referred to as the ish tzaddik. A person can receive no greater personal validation, and this from the Torah no less. He is the real survivor, chosen to stay on the island of the world not by scheming peers as in the television series but by G-d Himself. All of life is indebted to Noach for its existence. Can there be any greater success than to have literally saved the world?
Yet a short time later in the parsha after leaving the ark Noach is referred to in quite different terms. As he begins to enter the normalcy of life he is called the ish ha'adama, " the man of earth". His first real labors are to plant a vineyard. We are told he goes on to get drunk from its harvest, so drunk that he rolls around naked in his tent and becomes the object of ridicule (and some say much worse) for one of his children and grandson.
How can it be? How can Noach who was so strong and so moral as to stand alone againt a whole world of corruption become so compromised and self-destructive. What happened?
We can ask that very question of so many who seem to have fallen from grace. Are they hypocrites? Were they really never as good as they pretended to be. Does the lapse indicate that the person we thought them to be was never really them?
Its easy to say that. And in some cases it may be that they were never really who they claimed to be.
But the story of Noach says that's not always true. After all the Torah calls Noach a tzaddik and affirms him in glowing terms. Clearly he was not a pretender. Yet tzaddik though he was, he had a mapala, a fall in stature. Great as he was, he compromised himself.
What happens to people when they seem to self-destruct is mysterious and the reasons may be as varied as the people themselves. We can speculate about Noach. We can say that he lost purpose. He had no social evil to fight, all his adversaries were dead. The new world belonged to his children to settle. With no heroic agenda before him what was left to him? Planting a vineyard is a pale substitute for saving the world.
I suspect that many a seemingly great person self-destructs precisely when their battle is won.
They no longer have a mission to motivate them. The history of revolutionaries from those who fought the Czar to Castro shows that once in power idealism gets lost and the new become as corrupt as the social system it was meant to replace.
I believe Bill Clinton is a good person. And Bernie Madoff was not always evil, after all he earned the trust of many people. Call me naive, but even Fidel Castro at one time was concerned with the masses and willing to make heroic personal sacrifices on their behalf. For Bill, Bernie and Fidel their successes compromised, and in the later two cases,
corrupted them. Success has that effect.
And you and I are vulnerable too. Until we accomplish our goals we can be so generous with others striving like we are. We identify with those marginalized and struggling. Yet once we succeed we so often show a kind of arrogance and deal with others in a condescending manner. How many might say of us "He used to be such a nice guy. Now he thinks himself a big shot". In our successes,when no longer driven by a purpose larger than us, we lose our humility. In losing our humility we self destruct. We lose our souls.
So whats the answer. Surely it cannot be to wish for failure.
While the world may not have an answer, we as Jews do. And the answer is learning Torah.
Our sages long taught "barati yetzer hara barati Torah tavlin", G-d says as it were " I have created the evil inclination. And I have created its remedy through the study of Torah".
The study of Torah forever provides us with a purpose. We never complete our learning and we never know enough. Torah study is the antidote to gaava, the arrogance that causes our demise. It is always larger than us. It always presents us with a challenge. What do we call the one learned in Torah... a talmid chacham, a wise student !
If Noach had a Torah to study he would never have been identified as the ish ha'adma. If he had a Torah to study planting a vineyard would not have been his work. Sure he would have finished his task as savior of the world but the daf yomi would have been waiting.
We can have success. Indeed G-d wants us to succeed...as long as we are learning Torah. To separate from Torah study is to become vulnerable to compromise and corruption. We risk self destruction precisely when we have most achieved. We need Torah to keep us focused and filled with mission.
With Torah our work is never done. Before her we can never think ourselves
greater than others.
Torah is the sam hachayim, the elixir of life. How fortunate we are that we can learn !
Shabbat Shalom
And we first encounter such a story in this week's parsha, the portion of Noach. At the outset of the reading Noach is referred to as the ish tzaddik. A person can receive no greater personal validation, and this from the Torah no less. He is the real survivor, chosen to stay on the island of the world not by scheming peers as in the television series but by G-d Himself. All of life is indebted to Noach for its existence. Can there be any greater success than to have literally saved the world?
Yet a short time later in the parsha after leaving the ark Noach is referred to in quite different terms. As he begins to enter the normalcy of life he is called the ish ha'adama, " the man of earth". His first real labors are to plant a vineyard. We are told he goes on to get drunk from its harvest, so drunk that he rolls around naked in his tent and becomes the object of ridicule (and some say much worse) for one of his children and grandson.
How can it be? How can Noach who was so strong and so moral as to stand alone againt a whole world of corruption become so compromised and self-destructive. What happened?
We can ask that very question of so many who seem to have fallen from grace. Are they hypocrites? Were they really never as good as they pretended to be. Does the lapse indicate that the person we thought them to be was never really them?
Its easy to say that. And in some cases it may be that they were never really who they claimed to be.
But the story of Noach says that's not always true. After all the Torah calls Noach a tzaddik and affirms him in glowing terms. Clearly he was not a pretender. Yet tzaddik though he was, he had a mapala, a fall in stature. Great as he was, he compromised himself.
What happens to people when they seem to self-destruct is mysterious and the reasons may be as varied as the people themselves. We can speculate about Noach. We can say that he lost purpose. He had no social evil to fight, all his adversaries were dead. The new world belonged to his children to settle. With no heroic agenda before him what was left to him? Planting a vineyard is a pale substitute for saving the world.
I suspect that many a seemingly great person self-destructs precisely when their battle is won.
They no longer have a mission to motivate them. The history of revolutionaries from those who fought the Czar to Castro shows that once in power idealism gets lost and the new become as corrupt as the social system it was meant to replace.
I believe Bill Clinton is a good person. And Bernie Madoff was not always evil, after all he earned the trust of many people. Call me naive, but even Fidel Castro at one time was concerned with the masses and willing to make heroic personal sacrifices on their behalf. For Bill, Bernie and Fidel their successes compromised, and in the later two cases,
corrupted them. Success has that effect.
And you and I are vulnerable too. Until we accomplish our goals we can be so generous with others striving like we are. We identify with those marginalized and struggling. Yet once we succeed we so often show a kind of arrogance and deal with others in a condescending manner. How many might say of us "He used to be such a nice guy. Now he thinks himself a big shot". In our successes,when no longer driven by a purpose larger than us, we lose our humility. In losing our humility we self destruct. We lose our souls.
So whats the answer. Surely it cannot be to wish for failure.
While the world may not have an answer, we as Jews do. And the answer is learning Torah.
Our sages long taught "barati yetzer hara barati Torah tavlin", G-d says as it were " I have created the evil inclination. And I have created its remedy through the study of Torah".
The study of Torah forever provides us with a purpose. We never complete our learning and we never know enough. Torah study is the antidote to gaava, the arrogance that causes our demise. It is always larger than us. It always presents us with a challenge. What do we call the one learned in Torah... a talmid chacham, a wise student !
If Noach had a Torah to study he would never have been identified as the ish ha'adma. If he had a Torah to study planting a vineyard would not have been his work. Sure he would have finished his task as savior of the world but the daf yomi would have been waiting.
We can have success. Indeed G-d wants us to succeed...as long as we are learning Torah. To separate from Torah study is to become vulnerable to compromise and corruption. We risk self destruction precisely when we have most achieved. We need Torah to keep us focused and filled with mission.
With Torah our work is never done. Before her we can never think ourselves
greater than others.
Torah is the sam hachayim, the elixir of life. How fortunate we are that we can learn !
Shabbat Shalom
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Pure Hesed
Do you have a favorite pasuk ? I will admit I do. And its found in this week's parsha. My favorite is " vayas Hashem Elokim l'adom u'lishto katnot or vayalbeshem"...." And Hashem made for Adam and his wife clothes of skin and He dressed them".
The verse is found after Adam and Eve sinned in the garden. Confronted and punished by G-d they stand now fearful and ashamed. G-d in His love for them recognizes their terrible circumstances. Yes they have sinned and sinned badly. Yet they are His children. They are the future parents of humanity.He feels their suffering. He makes for them beautiful clothes. Still more, G-d Himself serves as their valet and put these beautiful clothes on them. Through His love they are restored.
The Talmud teaches in the name of Rabbi Simlai " Great are the acts of loving-kindness such that the Torah begins with loving-kindness and ends with loving-kindness." It begins with loving-kindness when it tells us how Hashem clothes Adam and Eve after the sin. And it ends with loving-kindness when we are told Hashem buries Moshe after he ascends the mountain of Nebo to die.
Beautiful indeed. Yet one could wonder, why does Rabbi Simlai claim the first kindness of the Torah is the one reflected in the verse I referred to as my favorite. Were there not prior kindnesses to the clothing of Adam and Eve. After all creation itself was a hesed. And so was giving Eve to Adam a hesed when he was alone in the Garden without a help-mate.
And there is another curious dynamic here. The sages of the Talmud wondered where did these skins Hashem used to clothe them come from. There was no death in the Garden, neither animal nor human. Rabbi Elazar gives an unusual answer. He says the skins were from the snake, the very same snake that tempted them into sin. The snake shed his skin and from it Hashem made their clothes.
We already learned this was an incredible act of hesed. What kindness would it be to wear the clothes from the skins of the snake that was the source of their demise?
In order to better understand what real hesed is we would do well to understand human need.
Many of us are familiar with the quote "You can't love someone else unless you love your self".
It makes sense. Real love comes from a sense of fullness. It does not come from a void. (We have already discussed some on this in the blog "Mature and Immature Love".) If I do not love myself inevitably my love for you will be tainted. Loving you will, at a deeper level, be part of my struggle to find love for myself rather than be about you. If I do not love myself I have no (pure) love to give another.
But while that's a familiar idea, even if sophisticated, there is another part to the quote not as well known. " I cannot love myself unless someone else loves me". And why is that true. Well think about it. I know I have many shortcomings. There is much about myself that I do not like.
With all my flaws how can I love myself. On the contrary it may be more reasonable to hate myself for all I lack. Indeed people who do not experience the love of another often have very ambivalent feelings towards themselves.
When someone else loves me, with my flaws, knowing that I am compromised, they show me that I am lovable. Their love for me helps me to love myself. Of course that only works to the extent the other knows me. If I hide my shortcoming from them, if s/he loves me because they think I am better than I am and don't know my flaws, their love for me has no real power to cause me to love myself. Sure they provide a nice feeling, but deep inside I think they only love me because they think I am better than I am. If they really knew me they would reject me.
It is only when we risk letting ourselves be known, and yes rejected, that the love we receive can bring us to feel the elusive gift of genuine self-love. And it is only when we have been vulnerable and received that love in return that we can come to bestow true love on another.
Hashem did many kindnesses for Adam and Chava prior to the sin. But in each case the hesed, while a gift, provided for a physical need or comfort, but did not touch the core of their being.
It was only after the sin, when Adam and Chava were painfully aware of their inadequacies and struggled to love themselves that the gift of Hakadosh Baruch Hu became an ultimate manifestation of hesed, one that actually was experienced as an expression of love. Here in the midst of their shame and fear Hashem cared for them not only to make beautiful clothes for them but to dress them, Himself. He said thereby "I love you", in deeds so powerful, not because He did not know their flaw but with their flaw.
That's the message Rabbi Elazar wanted to impart when he said Hashem made the clothes from the skins of the very snake that brought about their sin. When Hashem gave them clothes from that snake its as if He said " I am not loving you because I am pretending you did not sin, that you are better than you are. No, I know you, I know your sin. The clothes I am making say loud and clear you indeed have failed. And yet I love you, with your failings!"
Truth be told the story of Hashem's hesed with Moshe was similar. Moshe was informed he had to die. He was not to enter the Holy Land. Little doubt he too felt the weight of his inadequacy when he left the camp alone to climb Mt Nebo there to await his death. Did he feel the shame of that failure? Did he ache for what might have been? It could not have been easy. Yet precisely here, in his time of feeling inadequate, Hashem shows Moshe a special love. It is when Moshe feels least good about himself Hashem says "I will bury you...not leave it to others...for indeed I love you".
In loving Adam and Chava, they could come to love themselves, with their limitations, even after their terrible sin. And indeed they could go on, as we read in the next verses to bear children and become the parents to humanity. They could love their children because indeed they had been loved and loved themselves.
The lessons we can glean from the story are personal to each of us. For some of us, is it not time we risked letting ourselves be known so we might yet know real love from another...and in turn come to love ourselves. For others of us, is it not time we loved the ones who matter to us in the image of the love of The Holy One Blessed Be He, love them not by trying to pretend they are better than they are or by trying to delete their shortcomings, but by accepting them as they are?
Real hesed is not about giving money or doing a favor, though that too is very important. Real hesed is making someone who feels inadequate and lacking feel loved. The particular gift is but a manifestation of that love. And its that love which provides the deepest healing and yeshua.
May all the days of our lives be full of hesed in its most beautiful expression. Indeed as the Psalmist says "Olam Hesed Yebane" "The world is founded on loving-kindness."
I would greatly appreciate if you would include in your tefilot a prayer for Odena bat Laya who will have serious surgery on her spine next week. Thank you for your hesed to me, Odena and her family.
Shabbat Shalom
The verse is found after Adam and Eve sinned in the garden. Confronted and punished by G-d they stand now fearful and ashamed. G-d in His love for them recognizes their terrible circumstances. Yes they have sinned and sinned badly. Yet they are His children. They are the future parents of humanity.He feels their suffering. He makes for them beautiful clothes. Still more, G-d Himself serves as their valet and put these beautiful clothes on them. Through His love they are restored.
The Talmud teaches in the name of Rabbi Simlai " Great are the acts of loving-kindness such that the Torah begins with loving-kindness and ends with loving-kindness." It begins with loving-kindness when it tells us how Hashem clothes Adam and Eve after the sin. And it ends with loving-kindness when we are told Hashem buries Moshe after he ascends the mountain of Nebo to die.
Beautiful indeed. Yet one could wonder, why does Rabbi Simlai claim the first kindness of the Torah is the one reflected in the verse I referred to as my favorite. Were there not prior kindnesses to the clothing of Adam and Eve. After all creation itself was a hesed. And so was giving Eve to Adam a hesed when he was alone in the Garden without a help-mate.
And there is another curious dynamic here. The sages of the Talmud wondered where did these skins Hashem used to clothe them come from. There was no death in the Garden, neither animal nor human. Rabbi Elazar gives an unusual answer. He says the skins were from the snake, the very same snake that tempted them into sin. The snake shed his skin and from it Hashem made their clothes.
We already learned this was an incredible act of hesed. What kindness would it be to wear the clothes from the skins of the snake that was the source of their demise?
In order to better understand what real hesed is we would do well to understand human need.
Many of us are familiar with the quote "You can't love someone else unless you love your self".
It makes sense. Real love comes from a sense of fullness. It does not come from a void. (We have already discussed some on this in the blog "Mature and Immature Love".) If I do not love myself inevitably my love for you will be tainted. Loving you will, at a deeper level, be part of my struggle to find love for myself rather than be about you. If I do not love myself I have no (pure) love to give another.
But while that's a familiar idea, even if sophisticated, there is another part to the quote not as well known. " I cannot love myself unless someone else loves me". And why is that true. Well think about it. I know I have many shortcomings. There is much about myself that I do not like.
With all my flaws how can I love myself. On the contrary it may be more reasonable to hate myself for all I lack. Indeed people who do not experience the love of another often have very ambivalent feelings towards themselves.
When someone else loves me, with my flaws, knowing that I am compromised, they show me that I am lovable. Their love for me helps me to love myself. Of course that only works to the extent the other knows me. If I hide my shortcoming from them, if s/he loves me because they think I am better than I am and don't know my flaws, their love for me has no real power to cause me to love myself. Sure they provide a nice feeling, but deep inside I think they only love me because they think I am better than I am. If they really knew me they would reject me.
It is only when we risk letting ourselves be known, and yes rejected, that the love we receive can bring us to feel the elusive gift of genuine self-love. And it is only when we have been vulnerable and received that love in return that we can come to bestow true love on another.
Hashem did many kindnesses for Adam and Chava prior to the sin. But in each case the hesed, while a gift, provided for a physical need or comfort, but did not touch the core of their being.
It was only after the sin, when Adam and Chava were painfully aware of their inadequacies and struggled to love themselves that the gift of Hakadosh Baruch Hu became an ultimate manifestation of hesed, one that actually was experienced as an expression of love. Here in the midst of their shame and fear Hashem cared for them not only to make beautiful clothes for them but to dress them, Himself. He said thereby "I love you", in deeds so powerful, not because He did not know their flaw but with their flaw.
That's the message Rabbi Elazar wanted to impart when he said Hashem made the clothes from the skins of the very snake that brought about their sin. When Hashem gave them clothes from that snake its as if He said " I am not loving you because I am pretending you did not sin, that you are better than you are. No, I know you, I know your sin. The clothes I am making say loud and clear you indeed have failed. And yet I love you, with your failings!"
Truth be told the story of Hashem's hesed with Moshe was similar. Moshe was informed he had to die. He was not to enter the Holy Land. Little doubt he too felt the weight of his inadequacy when he left the camp alone to climb Mt Nebo there to await his death. Did he feel the shame of that failure? Did he ache for what might have been? It could not have been easy. Yet precisely here, in his time of feeling inadequate, Hashem shows Moshe a special love. It is when Moshe feels least good about himself Hashem says "I will bury you...not leave it to others...for indeed I love you".
In loving Adam and Chava, they could come to love themselves, with their limitations, even after their terrible sin. And indeed they could go on, as we read in the next verses to bear children and become the parents to humanity. They could love their children because indeed they had been loved and loved themselves.
The lessons we can glean from the story are personal to each of us. For some of us, is it not time we risked letting ourselves be known so we might yet know real love from another...and in turn come to love ourselves. For others of us, is it not time we loved the ones who matter to us in the image of the love of The Holy One Blessed Be He, love them not by trying to pretend they are better than they are or by trying to delete their shortcomings, but by accepting them as they are?
Real hesed is not about giving money or doing a favor, though that too is very important. Real hesed is making someone who feels inadequate and lacking feel loved. The particular gift is but a manifestation of that love. And its that love which provides the deepest healing and yeshua.
May all the days of our lives be full of hesed in its most beautiful expression. Indeed as the Psalmist says "Olam Hesed Yebane" "The world is founded on loving-kindness."
I would greatly appreciate if you would include in your tefilot a prayer for Odena bat Laya who will have serious surgery on her spine next week. Thank you for your hesed to me, Odena and her family.
Shabbat Shalom
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Fear and Joy
"Trust in G-d and do the good". So says the verse in Tehilim. We might ask, what's the connection between the two? Why do we need to trust in Hashem in order to do the good?
Truth is that if we knew how vulnerable we are, how precarious our existence, we might never find the motivation to do anything of consequence. Its not surprising that braveness typically belongs to the young. Its the young who feel invincible. Its the young who feel no real harm can befall them. They are the ones who are typically ready to be the heroes. The older we get the more we are cognizant of our mortality and the more we are afraid.
Most of us live our lives as if we are never going to die. How else can we explain the fact that we smoke, eat the unhealthy, grow fat, without hardly a protest. And if that's true of the way we engage matters that affect us physically, how much more so the matters that affect our soul. We sin as if we will never have to face a judgement.
Intellectually, of course we know that we will die. We know that we are frail creatures only a moment away from cancer, G-d forbid, or a stroke or sudden debacle. We know that while we are not Job, his story could just as well be ours. But we also know that being fully conscious of the fear of our vulnerability and at all times will paralyze us. We know the fear of our mortality can be overwhelming. In an act of self-preservation we put it out of our minds. It is putting the awareness of our vulnerability out of our minds that makes living possible. It gives us the ability to invest in life, to marry, to raise children, to strive to make a difference.
And yet at the same time that escaping the reality of our mortality makes living possible it also compromises that life. In our unconscious state we can commit self and other destructive acts. We can cause ourselves the greatest of harm, commit the most serious of sins, all because we live as if we will not die.
And so we are left with a conundrum. To submerge the awareness of our frailty seems necessary in order to invest in the act of living. Yet to fail to be at all times conscious that we indeed can die or be rendered useless and at any moment, leaves us open to sin caused by the illusion of our invincibility. How indeed to live?
It is the Yom Tov of Sukkot that provides us with the answer to this powerful life paradox. At one level Sukkot is the holiday of joy. It stands premier of all the festivals in that we are mandated to be "only happy". The simchat bait hashoaiva, the joyous celebration of the water drawing in the Temple of old continues to be lived out symbolically during all the days of the chag. Its the harvest time. Yet Sukkot, this holiday of confidence and joy, asks us to leave our homes and go for seven days to live in the sukkah, the frail hut like structure that leaves us vulnerable to the elements. On the very holiday that invites us to celebrate the bounty of life and all its promise we are also mandated to fully engage the truth of how precarious our existence. We are called to face the fact that no resources in the world make us any more safe than we are in the sukkah.
The sukkah for seven days is our home. We are called to live there in the fullest manner possible. We eat, sleep, and converse in the sukkah. We are called to bring out into the sukkah our nicest dishes and finest foods. This is not a camping experience. This is where we live. And we are meant to live in this temporary residence as if it was permanent.
Ah, there it is. The mitzva of sukkah calls on us to live in a temporary residence as if it is permanent. The very challenge of our lives, to live in a temporary residence as if it were permanent.
We do not make believe the sukkah is a palace. When it rains we leave. It's a sukkah after all. And when we are compromised inside it we don't artificially make it stronger. We face the reality and adapt. And yet knowing full well it is indeed a sukkah we nonetheless invest in it. We live in it with permanence. And we do that not because the sukkah is not a sukkah but because we have trust in Hashem that He will do what He needs to even as we do what we need to.
"B'tach b'Hashem v'asai tov" "trust in Hashem and do the good".
Sukkot teaches us to neither deny the reality that life is incredibly fragile nor to flee from fear of investing in it because of that fragility. Sukkot teaches us that we can honestly confront the truth of existence and yet be happy. And the key is trust in Hashem. The trust doesn't mean that I know I will not face circumstances beyond my control. The trust allows me to surrender control and know I am safe no matter what occurs to me.
Anne Frank in her diary wrote "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and G-d. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that G-d wishes to see people happy".
In going out to the Sukkah we walk into our fears rather than flee from them. We say "yes" to all life's uncertainties...and with that we say "Yes" to life and living. All because as young Anne Frank, herself to be murdered by the Nazis, knew, "G-d wishes to see people happy".
Vsmachat b'chagecha, May we know the fullness of joy this wonderful holiday...not because we have escaped our realities but because we have entered them and with trust in and surrender to Hashem vanquished their power over us.
Chag Sameyach
Shabbat Shalom
Truth is that if we knew how vulnerable we are, how precarious our existence, we might never find the motivation to do anything of consequence. Its not surprising that braveness typically belongs to the young. Its the young who feel invincible. Its the young who feel no real harm can befall them. They are the ones who are typically ready to be the heroes. The older we get the more we are cognizant of our mortality and the more we are afraid.
Most of us live our lives as if we are never going to die. How else can we explain the fact that we smoke, eat the unhealthy, grow fat, without hardly a protest. And if that's true of the way we engage matters that affect us physically, how much more so the matters that affect our soul. We sin as if we will never have to face a judgement.
Intellectually, of course we know that we will die. We know that we are frail creatures only a moment away from cancer, G-d forbid, or a stroke or sudden debacle. We know that while we are not Job, his story could just as well be ours. But we also know that being fully conscious of the fear of our vulnerability and at all times will paralyze us. We know the fear of our mortality can be overwhelming. In an act of self-preservation we put it out of our minds. It is putting the awareness of our vulnerability out of our minds that makes living possible. It gives us the ability to invest in life, to marry, to raise children, to strive to make a difference.
And yet at the same time that escaping the reality of our mortality makes living possible it also compromises that life. In our unconscious state we can commit self and other destructive acts. We can cause ourselves the greatest of harm, commit the most serious of sins, all because we live as if we will not die.
And so we are left with a conundrum. To submerge the awareness of our frailty seems necessary in order to invest in the act of living. Yet to fail to be at all times conscious that we indeed can die or be rendered useless and at any moment, leaves us open to sin caused by the illusion of our invincibility. How indeed to live?
It is the Yom Tov of Sukkot that provides us with the answer to this powerful life paradox. At one level Sukkot is the holiday of joy. It stands premier of all the festivals in that we are mandated to be "only happy". The simchat bait hashoaiva, the joyous celebration of the water drawing in the Temple of old continues to be lived out symbolically during all the days of the chag. Its the harvest time. Yet Sukkot, this holiday of confidence and joy, asks us to leave our homes and go for seven days to live in the sukkah, the frail hut like structure that leaves us vulnerable to the elements. On the very holiday that invites us to celebrate the bounty of life and all its promise we are also mandated to fully engage the truth of how precarious our existence. We are called to face the fact that no resources in the world make us any more safe than we are in the sukkah.
The sukkah for seven days is our home. We are called to live there in the fullest manner possible. We eat, sleep, and converse in the sukkah. We are called to bring out into the sukkah our nicest dishes and finest foods. This is not a camping experience. This is where we live. And we are meant to live in this temporary residence as if it was permanent.
Ah, there it is. The mitzva of sukkah calls on us to live in a temporary residence as if it is permanent. The very challenge of our lives, to live in a temporary residence as if it were permanent.
We do not make believe the sukkah is a palace. When it rains we leave. It's a sukkah after all. And when we are compromised inside it we don't artificially make it stronger. We face the reality and adapt. And yet knowing full well it is indeed a sukkah we nonetheless invest in it. We live in it with permanence. And we do that not because the sukkah is not a sukkah but because we have trust in Hashem that He will do what He needs to even as we do what we need to.
"B'tach b'Hashem v'asai tov" "trust in Hashem and do the good".
Sukkot teaches us to neither deny the reality that life is incredibly fragile nor to flee from fear of investing in it because of that fragility. Sukkot teaches us that we can honestly confront the truth of existence and yet be happy. And the key is trust in Hashem. The trust doesn't mean that I know I will not face circumstances beyond my control. The trust allows me to surrender control and know I am safe no matter what occurs to me.
Anne Frank in her diary wrote "The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and G-d. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that G-d wishes to see people happy".
In going out to the Sukkah we walk into our fears rather than flee from them. We say "yes" to all life's uncertainties...and with that we say "Yes" to life and living. All because as young Anne Frank, herself to be murdered by the Nazis, knew, "G-d wishes to see people happy".
Vsmachat b'chagecha, May we know the fullness of joy this wonderful holiday...not because we have escaped our realities but because we have entered them and with trust in and surrender to Hashem vanquished their power over us.
Chag Sameyach
Shabbat Shalom
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